This post is for the Blogging from A to Z April Challenge | My theme: The Diary of my Dying Mother-in-Law
It’s rainy today — appropriate. It’s also quiet, Beth is napping now. Classical music is softly playing in the background. She’s much weaker today. Very different from last Monday, we are getting closer. But we did wash her hair and get dressed today. She even ate half of her cream of wheat. Not too shabby for a gloomy Monday morning.
In the midst of all this gloom and doom, I have to say I’ve been inspired to live differently. I know we are in the thick of this so everything else seems rather trivial, but in the bigger picture, I think it’s safe to say most things are trivial. Most things won’t matter in 6 or 9 or 12 months, or even 2 years down the road. I’m learning so much about life from death, and I hope to stay just as aware of what’s important once this time in our life passes.
I grew up with big dreams. I’ve been one of those lucky people who has always, always, always known what she’s wanted to do. Did it mean I always followed my dreams? No. But in the back of my head (and heart) nothing has ever compared to a life pursuing the arts. I’ve dreamed about being on Broadway, having a book tour, and singing in snazzy little jazz bars. Obviously having kids changed things and moving to NYC or LA isn’t in my cards at the moment, but watching Beth — a vibrant, lively, happy, live in the moment kind of person — slowly die has made me reconsider what I’m doing with my life.
It’s time to write that book. Learn those new songs. Go to the ballet. Take a creative writing class. Buy a camera and learn how to really take a good picture. Sing to whoever will listen. Worry less about how I look. Eat chocolate, if I want to. Go for more hikes. Enjoy the hustle and bustle of my kids. Volunteer more. Laugh more. Worry less about things I have no control over. Focus on being creative. Cry when I need to (because, let’s be honest…I cry a lot!).
Leave behind that which brings me down. Embrace the process of creating the life I actually, truly want.
I am inspired to live because I am watching death, the bittersweet circle of life I suppose.
Til tomorrow, XO